


control me

by mujatuan



Category: GOT7
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Emotional Manipulation, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Pirate Im Jaebum | JB, Pirates, Siren Mark Tuan, Sirens, Unhealthy Relationships, and the rest of them except youngjae, im so sorry youngjae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 05:50:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20925197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mujatuan/pseuds/mujatuan
Summary: the wind calls jaebeom's name.





	control me

**Author's Note:**

> please take notice of the tags. tw are all there  
insp . control me by colde

jaebeom finds himself rotting away at the bar. he had come with high hopes, as he always does, pulled along on the arm by somebody like jackson, who thinks having a good time is about as important as oxygen. 

because, as all young men in their 20s know, breakups are hard. but jaebeom’s not really sure if he’s going through a breakup, or a crisis, or anything else. his tongue suddenly tastes bitter and cold in his own mouth, and though there’s an orange tinted drink in front of him, there’s not much difference between drowning in alcohol and saliva. he licks his lips.

the cold wind from the doors swinging open blows against his arm. he’s suddenly conscious of his tattoos there, the ones that brand him to his crew that he’s captain of. it draws eyes- or maybe jaebeom does, the stubble on his chin unshaved and his lips a little bit too dry.

_ you look so stupid, jaebeom. so dumb for me. _

his grip on the glass tightens. for a second, he can almost smell the salty sea water flooding his nostrils. he feels light, glued to his seat at the bar, even when pretty boys and girls alike swarm in like schools of fish. 

the scene used to be fitting for him, before that night. maybe before he became a pirate even, when graduating was the first thing on his mind and paying off his debt was the second. he thinks of the words that he hears every night, in his dreams, nightmares, when he wakes up and goes to bed. 

the next day, they are to set sail.

_ remember me, baby. protect my words, treat them like law. promise, baby. _

he feels dirty, sometimes. used up and chewed down. getting back on the long waters by the coast is one of the things that washes him up just as best as anything could. jackson is manning the ship and jinyoung is standing just behind him, glasses crooked on his nose. the rest of them, he’s not sure- 

“hey, jinyoung hyung,” yugyeom calls from behind. “who did you bring on board?”

jaebeom turns around just to see jinyoung freeze up and to see yugyeom holding up a boy by the collar, his mouth gagged up with fabric. “what the fuck?” jaebeom says, and jinyoung’s mouth falls open.

but then again, jaebeom supposes that one of the things you have to know when living on sea is how to adapt. jinyoung’s fallen in love, in their short time on land, and jaebeom can’t help but snort up a laugh. he’s known jinyoung ages, and if there’s anything jaebeom knows, it’s that jinyoung doesn’t settle. he’s a little too greedy for it.

still, jaebeom says to let them keep the boy on board. in any case, they can use him as a pity point the next time they sail to land. and jaebeom respects love, though he isn’t sure if he should.

_ you brought me a gift? _

the thought of it makes jaebeom’s head hurt. or it’s just seasickness, which would be the most unlikely thing to happen to jaebeom, ever. he’s not sure, actually- everything is clouding up, and he takes a deep breath.

“thank you for letting me keep him,” jinyoung whispers to jaebeom later that night, when they’ve just finished eating and bambam had just taken over from jackson. 

jaebeom looks at the boy from the side. he looks young, and fragile, and he sees exactly why jinyoung would want him.

_ it’s so funny, you can’t move at all. so gorgeous, beom. _

jackson pulls him away from jinyoung. “he’s the son of the priest,” jackson whispers. “and gay.”

it clicks in his mind. jaebeom looks from the way that jinyoung is smiling, too thin and fake and suspicious for jaebeom to leave it. he thinks about how jinyoung had, on the first night in the town, spoke of a beautiful boy he had taken to bed. and how on the second night he had been entirely silent. and finally, the day they left, the way his pockets were heavier. how easily he had taken the boy.

a cunning, disgusting man. jinyoung is too sly, plans constructing themselves in his mind. 

youngjae looks innocent, and full of youth.

_ hold me close. closer, baby. as close as you can. _

love is not something jaebeom thinks is a value. it’s a burden, more than, and every day jaebeom feels it weighing himself down. perhaps similar to responsibility.

yugyeom and bambam are both full of life, smiling bright and looking forward with sparkling eyes. jaebeom sometimes thinks of them not as his men but perhaps as younger brothers, and he protects them. doesn’t want them to turn out like jinyoung, who is too easy to please and too hard to read, or jackson, who can not see past his greed. 

but they are his crew. maybe not his friends, but his crew. jaebeom angles the ship left, into the waters that are calm and towards the familiar curves of the mountains in the distance.

the wind whispers in his ear.  _ yien _ .

the name causes jaebeom’s legs to feel weak, his arms to go limp and his grip on the wheel loosens. his head is light, and he feels like he might faint. the wind calms down, returns to only lisps of loving words caressing him, stroking past the goosebumps on his skin.

again. used up. jaebeom gives while he spends, and spends, and bathes in it. 

he adjusts course, instead towards a town he knows will be just past the distant mountains. though he is sailing away, they still loom over him by the side.

_ generous and charming. i caught a gem. _

“hyung!” bambam says. “have we been here before?”

jaebeom knows the answer. “no,” he responds.

“that’s what i told yugyeom,” bambam says, pouting. “he says it’s familiar, but i think he’s full of air sometimes. can we be in another town soon? i want to go shopping again- the shops were bad the last time.”

jaebeom is far from the mountains, but he can feel the pull, the wind blowing him towards. “yeah, we can.” he feels lurching in his stomach. the ship sails smoothly. “can you get yugyeom to take over for a second? i need to go downstairs.”

_ you give me your love so easily, beommie. don’t you have a lover at home? _

“you outed him,” jaebeom says. “then got paid to take him.”

jinyoung looks up at him from his book, then looks down to his side where youngjae is dead asleep. “he’s very beautiful, isn’t he,” jinyoung sighs, fond tone in his voice dripping with pointed intent.

“you’re so fucked up,” jaebeom says.

jinyoung looks up at him. he doesn’t say anything else, and jaebeom leaves them alone. he later throws up over the edge.

_ stop working. stay with me. _

jinyoung brings youngjae up to look at the dim lights of the town growing brighter and brighter. jinyoung wraps his arms around youngjae’s waist from behind and jaebeom tries so hard not to look at youngjae’s bright, wide smile.

he hears bambam and yugyeom whispering to each other from behind him.  _ do you think we’ll keep youngjae?  _ one of them says.  _ i hope so. he’s really nice, and laughs a lot, too. _

jaebeom’s heart hurts. he wishes he could get rid of it, just throw it over the ocean or at jinyoung, who is smiling with a genuine crinkle to his eye. he wishes he did not know jinyoung or youngjae. 

“you know, i hear this town is full of beauties,” jackson sighs happily.

jaebeom looks at him from the corner of his eye. “you’d be one to know that.”

“hey, what happened to the jaebeom that caught the hearts of men and women, left and right?” jackson asks with a wink. he’s always been fun, wild spirited.

“never existed.”

jackson drops his smile with a sigh and looks back at the coast. “you know, ever since that day we got lost in that cave, you haven’t been the same.”

the day they got lost. it wasn’t as impulse as jaebeom wanted to admit. while the other four had gone off in one tunnel, only to find chests full of gold and diamond and unimaginable riches, jaebeom had been urged down a different route. where the rocks felt slipper against his shoes, where he had met  _ him,  _ the most enchanting person in the world.

“let’s prepare to land,” jaebeom responds, and tries not to look at how jinyoung presses his face into the side of youngjae’s neck. the lights of the town only get brighter.

_ i miss you already. don’t leave.  _

they enjoy their time in the new town well. at least, the others do. 

jaebeom finds himself once again rotting away in the corner, this time not stepping out of the hotel room. they’d brought back riches from the last town and sold them off, now swimming in currencies beyond the spaces in their wallets. jaebeom has his own, and he spots a jewelry store across from the hotel that shines in the hot sun.

as he steps out, he sees jinyoung and youngjae close together quietly in the lounge. jinyoung’s clothes are as proper as ever but youngjae’s are much nicer than the torn ones he had come in. jaebeom doesn’t want to see youngjae smiling like that beside jinyoung. he leaves the lounge.

bambam, yugyeom, and jackson are no doubt strolling around town, making friends of all sorts and speaking to important, rich people, maybe stealing, maybe drinking. they don’t bring alcohol onto the ship- it’s a rule jaebeom has always had, and will always stand by.

he looks at the glass display of the jewelry store. there are pearls and gems but there is nothing quite as nice as- the one in the far back of the store, blue and tempting and gorgeous.

he slips in, and sees it. it’s stunning. layers and lines encrusted with diamonds, dark and light blue gemstones dripping all along the collar with a large pendant right on the dip of the neck. jaebeom imagines it on  _ him. _

“how much is that one?” he says. his volume attracts the attention from customers and sales associates alike, and one of them looks at his trail of gaze.

“that one is display only,” she says. 

“i don’t care,” jaebeom responds. “give me a price.”

he is told an astronomical price, one that is  _ almost _ too much for him. and so he hands over the coins and takes the necklace. it is his worst purchase, but he does not care. the mountains in the distance grow larger.

_ your earrings are very pretty, baby.  _

jaebeom can’t stand the itch in his brain anymore. he doesn’t want to stay in the town. there is a girl looking at him from across the lounge, her eyes coated in makeup and powder. 

“why are we leaving so early in the morning?” bambam asks, rubbing his eyes. jaebeom gives no answer. “hyung,” bambam whines, and tugs at jaebeom’s sleeves until he realizes jaebeom isn’t budging.

jaebeom sees bambam’s tattoo as he turns. it’s just like the rest of theirs, except with his own initials- two capital b’s- printed beside the bird that flies up his spine. out of them all, it’s likely that bambam’s is the one that is most out there.

the day is beginning to fog up as they leave the town behind. with more treasure than before, and jaebeom’s necklace stashed away, he doesn’t think of returning.

they do not have homes. that’s a given they have to put up with, that there is no real goal for them except to land, steal, and set sail. they only have each other, and the infatuations that grow on them.

if anything, jaebeom feels bad for youngjae. maybe he should feel horrible, rather, sick to his stomach in the way youngjae smiles. but he had thrown it all off the nights ago, over the edge of the ship and into the deep ocean. now, he cares less and less every day, and jinyoung’s own greed only consumes himself.

“we’re going back to the cave?” yugyeom calls from below. bambam runs to find him, and they both cheer. 

jaebeom can’t help but feel a little bit selfish, but he has priorities.

_ listen. _

there’s the abandoned dock, and jaebeom remembers everything. they maneuver their way into the perfect fitting crevice of the cave’s rocky ground and step off one by one. yugyeom and bambam first, laughing as they run around on the creaking wooden boards of the dock. jackson follows after, with a large grin on his face and a flashlight in the other. then there are jinyoung and youngjae, hand in hand, jinyoung no doubt whispering promises of riches and golds that have youngjae’s eyes shining with want.

jaebeom is last. he watches them, their clothes blowing in the chilly wind and the sound of their voices becoming more and more distant as they head for the cave opening. jaebeom breathes, tastes the salt in the wind and hears how the waves crash onto the rocky shores, water leaking between the surface of every smooth pebble.

jackson turns. jaebeom doesn’t look, only hears. “hyung,” jackson calls out, and he never calls jaebeom hyung, “are you coming?”

the wind calls jaebeom’s name. 

“i’m on my way,” jaebeom responds, and though there’s a force that seems to be clawing at his ankles, he carries on.

_ they can take everything but you. i want you. _

jaebeom knows exactly why, when they pass by the two deep tunnels in the cave, the other five only seem to see one. on the right, yugyeom and bambam are already staring down at their own steps, carefully mapping out their route to where they had last found riches. the rest of them follow, and jaebeom promises to be right with them after he searches the grounds one last time.

it’s very curious, the way they do not look behind. except for youngjae. 

youngjae takes one last glance at jaebeom, and he can not read it. it lasts for less than a second, less than half, less than any distance jaebeom can imagine. it is empty, and blank, and dull, and jaebeom can not see what jinyoung is so infatuated with youngjae for.

again, he feels bad. almost terrible, when jinyoung whisks him away into the dark. jinyoung has been restless, recently, his turns in manning the ship resulting in shaky turns and sharp directions.

still, the left pathway of the cave is much more interesting than whatever plans jinyoung has. and for a second, it glows, a faint orange light tinting the sides of the tunnel. the wind blows past his ears, and he can hear the voices again, saying  _ jaebeom, here, come, _ over and over until his limbs move on their own and he walks forwards, cold stone melting against his bare feet. 

the weather is cold, and brisk, but jaebeom’s veins are on fire.

_ where are you going? _

everything is just as jaebeom remembers. the torches he had seen last time, however many months ago, are still lit and bursting with flame. the same leaks in the ceiling drip with bright blue liquid, splashing right beside where jaebeom steps. 

he stretches his ears, tries to hear the sounds of where the others must be. there is another gust of wind, though when jaebeom looks around, it is only dark walls surrounding him.

jaebeom feels his heart pounding, as he takes himself in deeper and deeper down. another glance behind- where had he come from? the walls look the same, and there seems to be only the direction of down. jaebeom can’t see straight, almost slips on the edge of the roughly cut staircase.

it seems like hours of walking. down, down, turn left and left and left and look behind you to where there is nothing but the backs of your own eyes. jaebeom feels his fingers lift on their own.

_ jaebeom? _

he jumps. there is silence again, so quiet that jaebeom’s eardrums fill with blood and he has to hold onto the sides of the walls.

_ is that you? _

and that voice, the melody that comes from  _ him _ is so enchanting and hypnotizing and jaebeom falls forward without thought. he runs, now, down the staircase that is no longer a staircase and has become a long, dark hallway. 

_ jaebeom. _

he grits his teeth together and runs faster. faster, don’t worry about breathing or seeing, just run. faster. see him. be there. the shadows on the walls dance and his eyes blur, streaks of black and red painting themselves onto his pupils, until the shadows become gente yellows and blues and greens and finally, jaebeom sees a doorway, deep down below where he could ever be found, and he runs past-

jaebeom falls on his knees.

the room is disgusting. it’s stunning, so much that it makes jaebeom himself feel so disgusting and filthy and he wants to expel the bile in his stomach. high, high above on the ceiling are glowing gems that hang on threads, along the walls are leaves and plants growing from between the cracks, on the ground there are rocks that shine of pure white and the water is blue, so blue and beautiful, and right in the middle is him.

_ yien, _ jaebeom wants to say, but his voice is gone and his lips are frozen.

he’s beautiful. pretty, he would use to describe the people above land. gorgeous, he would use to describe the clothes yien wears. but only beautiful could be used to describe yien. the silk, thin robes draped over him only serve to accentuate the curve of his body, his smooth, pale skin, the jewelry he has adorned on his neck and wrists, and him.

jaebeom has missed him, so devastatingly much. yien looks up at him, and jaebeom forgets how to breathe when he sees yien’s eyes, round and blue-green and full of galaxies themselves. yien’s straight nose, his pretty pink lips, his sandy hair, the gemstones encrusted on his collarbones. 

“jaebeom,” yien says, voice tilted with surprise, and jaebeom goes dizzy at the sound yien’s words. he feels as if he is alive, so alive, that he can never do anything without yien in his presence ever again.

yien stands, stepping from where he was perched in the middle of the pond into the water, misty blue swarming around his calves. he walks, and jaebeom stares, feels his own heart pound in his chest. he’s shaking, hands weak, and he is in love.

yien steps out of the water and kneels as well, pushes jaebeom back so he is sitting, leaning against the slippery wall of the cave, and kisses him. yien has both his hands cupping the sides of jaebeom’s face, and jaebeom tastes the sweet flavour of strawberries on yien’s lips, then the salty sea as yien licks into his mouth. he thinks that he has given himself away.

when yien pulls away, jaebeom chases his lips, feels his body want more on its own. “you came back,” yien cries, and there seem to be tears spilling from the corners of his eyes. “you finally came back.”

“i’m sorry,” jaebeom says. “i love you. i’m sorry. please forgive me.”

yien licks a stripe up the side of his neck and jaebeom’s hands go to clutch at yien’s hair. “i was so lonely,” he whispers, voice sultry and tempting. “you left me alone.”

never. jaebeom can’t stand it, would rather drown himself than ever cause yien unhappiness like this again. “please, baby,” he says, almost whimpers, and yien sits back with a frown. jaebeom sees the old and new necklaces on yien’s neck, and feels the cold wall begin to burn. he burns. “i brought you something.”

in the back of his pocket, he pulls out the necklace. “for you,” he offers, and he knows he has won yien’s forgiveness when yien takes one look at it and kisses jaebeom.

“thank you,” yien murmurs against jaebeom’s lips. he peppers more gentle kisses on jaebeom’s cheek, then leans back to run a hand through jaebeom’s hair. “won’t you put it on for me?”

jaebeom doesn’t have room to argue. he rips off the other ones, the ones that are cheap and aren’t yet worthy of belonging to yien. and his own necklace fits perfectly, clicks right behind yien’s neck as the gemstones fall into the dips of his collarbones, rest along his pale chest perfectly.

yien nuzzles at his side. “jaebeom,” he says, “i love you.”

_ thank you, _ jaebeom thinks. “yien,” he responds.

“you can’t leave me again,” yien says, and jaebeom feels yien smile against his neck as yien pulls him forwards.

forwards, forwards, and jaebeom follows blindly. “never,” he whispers. “i love you so much.”

the water he hadn’t known was there begins to pool around his legs, and as yien brings them into the pond more and more, jaebeom mildly wonders when the water had begun to run so deep. but yien is kissing the corners of his lips, and he swims more, deeper, until the water hits jaebeom’s chin.

“i think i might keep you alive,” yien says to himself, and jaebeom doesn't know what it means, only that he is so in love and never wants to go. “or maybe not. we’ll see. you’re mine, right?”

“yes, yours,” jaebeom complies.

yien smiles at him. “we’ll see,” he says, and then the water begins to flood his mouth, his nostrils, salty seawater clouding his senses, but all he can see is how yien is beautiful beyond the years.

from beneath the water, jaebeom can not hear anything, though maybe it would have been better if he could.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/mujatuan)  
[curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mujatuan)  
the necklace:  
http://www.cijintl.com/local/cache-vignettes/L700xH462/harrywinstonwater-2-7541f.jpg
> 
> sorry for that word barf


End file.
